Wellness With Her Club

freedom
/ˈfriːdəm/

noun
the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.

Are we truly free?

For one who’s born black, in Africa and in a world that seems to teach only a history filled with chains and violence, with your natives’ spines rooted in trauma and shame, it’s easy to subconsciously write out the same story. We see this in what some call the rat race, others… call it life.

It’s one thing to be aware about what’s going on within and around you, and knowing that it doesn’t quite sit right with you but it is another to pick the will power and do something about it. I once had a conversation with someone and they said, “You’re still young, you’ll get tired. Give it time.” Tired of what? I wondered. They continued, “you want to fight the system until you realise you could have just hacked it by going with the flow.” It all sounds good, but to what end?

No one ever really wants to feel like they’re fighting their whole lives. Just waking up today was emotionally tasking. My body was so resigned and wanted to cling to the sheets that caressed my also tired skin. Could have been the shrooms that I had last night. Or could have been something else as well. Luckily though, she bounced back after we did the inevitable. It’s with foreboding that I approached the radio headquarters where I worked because just two months ago, this is all I was excited about. In my head, there’s been a constant stream of questions that seemed to affirm what it was that my heart was also asking. “Do I have commitment issues? Am I doing the right thing? Can I keep running? What am I running from? Or rather towards?”

Between August ‘21 to Feb ‘22, I worked at one of the biggest courier companies in the world. Having found out that there was internal strife, I felt uneasy and sought out a job I wanted, digital specialist at an events company. That went well until a couple of things started feeling… strange so I left. Tired of crying my eyes out at the office because my soul didn’t feel satiated, at peace. Something was not right. Maybe it was the pot I kept smoking in between breaks. Whatever it was, I thought I’d deal with it at a new job, hence Tidle Radio popping up and truly, I wanted this. I did. I showed up each day until of course, the little strife started. I so wanted to ignore it. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal and yet, it gnawed at my soul. I was so over it.

But now I ask myself. What truly does all of this mean? Is it me? Is it the jobs?

In the summer of 2019, I got a job at a telemarketing call centre in Pune, India and for 20 days, I cried before going to work. I couldn’t stomach what I considered hard labor. Was I lazy? Was it the depression? What was it? For $100 a month, 26 days, 10 hours a night, we’d call away trying to get strangers across this rock we call earth to buy an insurance or mortgage deal. The demand for targets always shook me off, and sooner the strain started.

I’d always wonder, “am I too soft?”

Luckily… or not, I found the doorway open to the world of the Law of Assumption and Attraction. “Everything you desire already exists and all you have to do is vibrate at that frequency.” So vibrate I did, so excessively some days I was convinced my skin tingles were shifts. I mean of course now it makes more sense and I’m seeing how best to apply it, but the truth is, the work I was doing wasn’t nearly as enough as what I had to do. What one would call an energy deficiency.

So I dive into truly pursuing my expression, I’m choosing to open myself to the endless possibilities of my being. There’s so much more to life than showing up in half-ass ways. The whole point of intentional living is to truly embody not just who you say you are, but to express that truth in every aspect of your life. In so many ways, I feel I’d fallen off but the best part about life is we have the chance to pick ourselves up and change the perspective.

Here’s to intentionality. Here’s to living with intention. ❤️