Wellness With Her Club

Lately I’ve been in quite the space, definitely a deeper and a gentler reminder that change truly is the only constant. After living in my head for so long, time finally came for me to be who I said I was going to be.

The clock chimed sharply bringing me back from my reverie. Is this a dream? 

Well it wasn’t, it was time. Post pandemic, it became quite obvious that the web I’d spun of mind fuelled expectations and dreams now had to align, we had arrived. I took a deep breath and plunged in…

…to a pool of distractions. Looking for all ways possible to avoid the work I had to do, I even fell in love. (Yes you can laugh all you want, but oh was it worth it) Must be the Aries ascendant in me.

All the mind work I’d done during the pandemic was now put to the ultimate test. Was I truly capable of doing what I said I was going to do? Maintaining a pattern? Fusing my spirit into the very fabric of what I do on a day to day basis? That didn’t prove easy at first, and everyday I learn a little more to lean into 0.1%. It matters in everything else, why wouldn’t it matter for me? To look at myself through my eyes and not the angles and perceptions that I’ve projected of those around me.

Recently, I took a step back to look at how I suddenly lost center stage when I engaged In intimate relationships especially with male figures. Then I saw this, and the thread set it in stone for me.

Now, I was never that girl that was a 10/10 cook, hell, I’d look for any and every reason to not step in the kitchen and of course that meant I get the, “what kind of woman are you?” talk. Thankfully, it wasn’t exaggerated because I come from a line of women and men that are well educated, learned and place academic achievements and amassing of wealth as a standard indicator of wealth. However, that didn’t mean that it didn’t pop up once in a while. Laundry, dishes were fun to do only on my terms and of course in a big family of 8+, you never really have your own time. Subconsciously, I picked it up as a measure of fault. Why was I cleaning up? Why was I stepping out looking good? Is it for me or for them?

I shared a dance video to my YouTube recently and a question popped up.

“Why do you dress up all sexy and dance like this to appeal to men?” And in that moment, I realised a whole plethora of things, the most being that the perception and perspective will always be different because it’s not them behind my eyes or me behind theirs. Also… my stats had something to say about that too.

Who’s watching? Who’s there? What will they say? What’s their reaction?

The truth is, everyone’s too occupied with what’s going on behind their eyes to try to rationalise the results of yours. No one’s watching you as obsessively as you might wish they would. Nope, there’s way too much going on in everyone’s lives for them to make us the focus of theirs.

And this realisation is what made me bask in the .1%. For it to be worthwhile, it needs to get real personal.