Wellness With Her Club

“Life
Oh life, 
Ohhh life, 
Ohh life, 
Tudu tutu tu!”

This must have been a jingle that was in a condom commercial that used to air on television stations while we were young and it was so catchy, you’d actually hear people of all ages and sizes, genders and colours across my country singing this tune. We all loved it.

This past week has been quite the experience for me and I’m so proud of myself honestly because I conquered so many personal feats that I’d otherwise have had a harder time conquering, had they presented themselves at an earlier time. Continuous work on ourselves does pay off even when sometimes we think there are no effects or results.

I had an amazing opportunity to go for hiking this past weekend, on a work deal and I have to admit that it was quite the emotional rollercoaster. Following a holiday hiking trip my friends and I had taken in the Himalayas about two years ago, I was a bit shaken inside as I stared at the lush green slopes of Mt. Elgon. Such trips always bring to light how much I actually like my being and wouldn’t like to end my life on the physical plane, at least not yet. Being a person that usually used to go through things on her own, shutting people out; I had become accustomed to ruminating on death whenever things got a bit out of hand for me. I’d get overwhelmed and wished I wasn’t alive; thinking about what life would be like for my family and friends after I passed. As we came down from the hike, and I reported back to camp, ready to move into the next phase of the event, my phone buzzed with a call from my little sister. I first ignored it because I was in a loud place and I knew since she was my mum, she might put me straight on loud speaker; however she kept on calling and I finally answered, only to receive rather shocking information.

My Godmother was found dead and even if her body was still very warm, they weren’t sure that she was alive.

This information left me shocked as I stayed rooted in one place; she was so young. At only 42 years of age, she was still so beautiful and vibrant, having achieved endless milestones and achievements in her career as a doctor. She had traveled all over the world and was a phenomenal representation for a lot of females; not only in her field but even in personal matters as well. I remember when I’d just received my bachelor’s scholarship, she may not have known it, but the money she gifted me with, actually cleared my registration and beginning accounts fee. She as my god mother and aunt, stood by me in life, in her cool auntie way and we all looked up to her. So to hear this news shocked me to the core of my heart. She was a flower that was plucked too soon; but even then the most beautiful flowers are picked first.

Student: I don’t feel like living anymore. Teacher: If you don’t feel like doing something then don’t do. This means that in finding many ways how not to live your life, you have the possibility to discover how to live your life.

Santosh Kalwar

A lot of thoughts were running through my mind. Just on the trail earlier, I’d been wishing that I could be far away from all my earthly responsibilities and anxieties but here we are, and my god mother is dead??! How? I realised I was being ungrateful for the one thing I take up-to the grave; my life. The fact that we are living and breathing is actually enough but we might get caught up in our web of petty thoughts and feelings; forgetting to embrace the beautiful existence that is our lives. Some of the harsh truths that actually came to mind are still echoing in my mind ;

8 Truths To Live By.

1. Give people their flowers while they’re still alive.

You know how some couples have rules about not going to bed while there is bad blood between the two of them? Yes? Then what if we applied this to all our relationships. To extend ourselves and love the people right next to us wholeheartedly and fully while they’re still breathing. To let someone know that their smile lights up your darkest days, to let them know that you’ve been thinking about them, about something funny; to tell your people that they’re amazing. That the very thought of them motivates you to be better and do better, not just for you but for them as well; is truly beautiful.

There are so many things that go unsaid a lot of times, maybe because we’re scared of how they’ll be perceived or whether the person will return the energy. But it’s not about that person, it’s about you; it’s about expressing what you genuinely feel in that moment so that there’s no room for regrets after they’re gone.

2. It’s one life not two, so we can’t spend all of it acting like fools.

Okay I have to be frank, I actually got this line from Dr. Hilderman’s No Smoking.” Where Keko said, “you know it’s one life not two, so you can’t spend all of it acting like a fool” and even if the song is about smoking, I feel like it applies to all areas of our lives. Holding back on ourselves because of fear and self created limitations is unhealthy. Judging and hating on who we are. Eating unhealthy. Wishing and hoping instead of nourishing and enjoying what we have…. The list is endless. It’s foolish to not go 100 for us. Our lives. It’s your responsibility to make sure you get the prime and deluxe experience out of life and it’s unattainable if we’re always downplaying the things that actually matter and focusing on the trivialities.

3. Live loudly. Feel loudly. Love loudly, for death silences us all.

It’s said that all earthly things don’t matter and are simply an illusion. One of those things is external validation. It’s what stops some of us from living intentionally and actually choosing what we’d rather do. We get caught in a social web of “what ifs” and “maybes”, “what will they say” and “I hope they love it.” At the end, it’s all for you. Would you rather it be on your terms or someone else’s? So maybe it looks like you have responsibilities, hell, it’s hard to navigate through life choosing to do what you want to do, but as long as it’s aimed to your growth and development as a person and important piece of the human societal puzzle, keep pushing through. do what you love, love what you do, exist loudly.

4. The things we usually worry about aren’t as important as we make them out to be.

“I wonder if she’ll text back.” “I need to get a new pair of shoes for the xxx dinner party” etc etc… you know what worries you have on your mind. Most times, yes they seem quite valid and we choose to stay in the worry loop, exaggerating the importance of any shortcomings. Researchers say that human beings have about 6000 thoughts, happily coursing through our minds on a daily, of these 90% are repetitive and 70% are worry or anxiety filled. Wow. We do give a lot of time and space to worry. Shifting from a worry dominated perspective to one of life giving energy is not the easiest battle; but pick your poison. Would you rather worry and watch the results of your worry manifest in your life or shift to uplifting positive thoughts that leave you vibrating in a lighter way? The choice is yours.

5. Stay busy loving those that love on you

Yes, Jesus said; “Love your neighbour as you love yourself.” And this I definitely endorse, but when it comes to certain connections, pray for the discernment to identify if that relation is building you or draining your spirit. Being in relationships and friendships with people that tear you down, always looks for the negativity or generally just don’t feel good to be around, just slowly exit because it’s not worth it. This could be that one connection that could have been but wasn’t, that ex you just can’t get over, that friend group you so badly want to relate with but can’t seem to fit in etc etc… all around us. There’s always opportunities to rebuild new and lasting life giving connections; we just have to be willing and open enough to receive.

Also all love is love; there’s no love lost when you extended it to the people that took you for granted. No, they needed your love at the time and even if it may have hurt you to love like that, in so many ways, it healed you.

6. Finish what you started.

Being a veteran over-thinker, I’d always overthink and procrastinate my way out a project I dreamed about and prayed for. It was so bad, I’d be in the middle of one of those answered prayers and It just hits me out of nowhere and I’m like, “Fuck it.” Now this is where you know that the devil is a liar.

Finishing what we started not only builds our careers, personal relationships and image as well; but it also gives you peace. Peace of mind and heart for knowing the results of a project you invested your all in. Pursuing and engaging in things with wholehearted childlike abandon not only pays off in the long run, but also gives you the benefit of the skills you’re learning from the work you do. To also be selfless in our ideas so that they may serve those that come after us.

7. Laughter is contagious. Belly laughs are therapeutic and please don’t postpone your happiness.

Laughter is the fingerprint of the happiest part of your soul. The musical code that springs your body to life and gets your muscles relaxed. It’s the one thing that spreads faster than a virus and yet leaves happiness and more of it abundantly in its wake.

To laugh is to heal, to live and to be so, laugh often, out loud—and boldly. Go where there’s people and places and experiences that make you laugh. When you’re going through a tough time, laughter can help remind you that it’s actually not that deep, and the situation will actually pass; laughter can help remind you of who you really are. Because if your laughs echo from the depths of your belly, what you’re really hearing is the echo of your happiest essence within. And there’s nothing truer and more pure than that.

8. It’s You. It’s always been You.

Have you been searching? Hoping? Longing? Wanting?

Are you waiting for a better day to be happy? A better man? A better situation?

Are you looking for a saviour?

Well. You already have whatever it is you need. At least for right now. Even when it may not look like or feel like it, you do have all of what you need in this very moment. The late AGT contestant, Nightbirde, said;

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy.

Jane Kristen Marczewski, Nightbirde

I know I’m not the only one that’s postponed celebrations and my happiness because it just didn’t fit into my idea of what I should be celebrating. Heck, life itself is an event worth celebrating. That’s the big deal. The big idea and we may not accept or say it enough but it’s amazing that we get to live and breathe. That’s the main occasion. That’s the reason we get up and toast. So this is to life.

To Auntie Pauline, 
I love you. I’m sorry you didn’t receive enough flowers from me while you lived but I forever remember how you love me. Thank you for standing up for me with God and for being my godmother. I am grateful for your life and today I know you officially joined heaven’s choir. I can’t say I know what lies behind the veil, but I do know that I’m still around on this end so I’ll honor this journey. Grateful for all I live through, grateful for your legacy on earth and I am grateful for your life. May your soul rest in eternal peace. 💐